Oasis Family Bookstore

POSITIVE PARENTING

As with all learning experiences, good parenting involves the proper tools and lots of practice, practice, practice!

All parents who choose to homeschool want what's best for their children.  Good children are created by good parents.

The BEST PARENTS:

• Are Loving but Firm.   Make sure your child knows that you love and care for him/her with hugs, kisses, deserved praise and quality attention.  By the same token, make sure that your child knows you will not tolerate destructive or disrespectful behavior.  An old saying goes: "pull your child towards you with your loving, strong hand;  push your child away from you with your disciplining, weaker hand." 

• Are Patient.   Patience is the KEY virtue that makes homeschooling possible!  If you find yourself losing this too often, go read TAKING CARE OF #1.  The best parents are calm in the face of adversity; they have taught their children and themselves the Rules of the House, then stick consistently to them and never need to raise their voices UNLESS some child is about to do some grievous harm to the household, themselves or others.  Rewards and punishments are given out with equal calm and equanimity.

• Are Orderly.   "A Place For Everything and Everything In Its Place."

• Are Consistent.   You make rules that apply to all household members equally and are used consistently.  Let your children and all household members know the Rules of the House.  If the rules are broken, have specific consequences.  Then show concern for the child's poor choice.  We call this "Choices, Consequences and Concern."  For example, our 9 year old son sometimes refuses to do his homework, and the rule is: "No TV or computer until your work is done."  So, one day he chooses not to do his homework.  As a consequence, his TV and computer privileges are gone for now and he's angry that his sisters, who finished their homework, get to watch a movie.  We tell him that he can still do his homework and watch the rest of the movie, but  he digs his heels in and continues to refuse.  At this point we tell him how sorry we are that he chose not to do his homework and miss the movie, and we hope he makes a better choice tomorrow.  The next time he refuses to do his homework, we remind him of the previous day's bad choices and he usually does his homework.  On to the next struggle!  

(By the way, we take our parenting advice from one of the best parenting book on the market, "Parenting With Love and Logic:  Teaching Children Responsibility," by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay.  They have written several related books as a team and separately, all excellent).

•  Are Tough.   Good parents don't back down if they know they are right, and they won't let any child of theirs walk all over them.  Children, especially determined homeschooled ones, will try to weasel out of anything unpleasant, such as chores and homework.  Children are allowed to argue and reason a bit, but if we're right and they're wrong, then we parents need to stand tall!  Good parents raise good children by sticking to principled rules and applying them evenly.  This is a life lesson for all of us and for all time.

• Are Reasonably Flexible.   This means that when your child tries to reason with you, or respectfully argues with you, that you actually listen and maybe even change your mind a bit.  It is possible that a child is a little right and you are slightly wrong on occasion.  When you bend a bit sometimes, your child will respect you for your honesty and humility, two great character strengths that you wish to pass on to the next generation.

• Devote Plenty of  Attention to Their Children Throughout the Day.   All children crave time with mom and dad.  They will get it one way or the other, with good or rotten behavior, depending on the temperament of the child.  The best parents give loving, positive attention to well-behaved children, calm attention to the child who is behaving badly, and screaming  attention only when the child is in immediate danger (now he's got your attention!).  Do make sure that the majority of your attention is positive.  You'll all enjoy the day more. 

• Practice Life With a Good Set of Values.  most of us were raised with a set of values passed on to us by our parents.  As we interacted more with our teachers, peers and society we adopted values that were occasionally at odds with what we were raised with.  Homeschooling allows those good values to be kept whole during your child's most impressionable and formative years.  Most parents, however flawed, attempt to raise their children with good values, such as cleanliness, orderliness, civility, kindness, patience, modesty, respect and so on.  Go with your conscience and do the job right.  Only you care enough about your own child to put the effort in that is required to raise a well-balanced, good child.

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A word about values and spirituality:  If you have a sense of the "bigger picture" or of the spiritual side of life, by all means pass this wisdom on to your children.  Children need some sort of spiritual guidance.  If they don't get it from their parents they will try to find it elsewhere, and this may not be what you want for your child.  Parents are always larger than life to a child, and whatever presence you bring into the child's life must be positive.  An emotionally strong, loving but firm parental guide makes your child the best person possible. 

Patiently and lovingly living with your children, you watch them grow, evolve and change.  This is the agony and the ecstasy of parenting, made more acute through homeschooling.  You are guaranteed to raise wonderful and amazingly complex human beings.